i like to play nintendo…but i’m bad at games

i’ve never understood the “games” we play with one another and the apparent rules that go along with them?! there are many, but i only have time for a few…

the “contacting each other” game:

do you or don’t you? do you text? do you wait for him to text? how long do you wait?

what is all this crap?! i really don’t think it should be this difficult in 2013 for a guy or a girl to let the other person know they had a good time and want to hang out again.

for example: you go out on a date and have a wonderful time. he’s giving you all the right signals: you touched his arm…he made you laugh…blah blah blah. maybe the night even ended with a kiss. good for you. now what?

as the female..we’ve been told wait for the male to pursue you. but we all know *most* guys are awful at communication. you don’t want to seem clingy and needy and text right away…hell no, do not call…and do people really email each other or does that happen only in the movies? so you wait for him to contact you.

3 nail-biting and otherwise stressful days later, a text from mr. wonderful arrives. great. now you have to keep your cool and play along in this cat and mouse game. you want to show interest but can’t be too available. *you don’t want to seem like you don’t have a life* hopefully, one or the other wins at the game and a second date is to be had. congratulations. if no second date, you begin again.

the kissing game:

how do you know if you’re going to get one? do you really want one? how do you avoid one if you don’t?

sure you can do what all the magazines say…draw attention to your lips…lean in and all that stuff ,but does it really work? i’m going based on my personal experience and say, “nope”. i’m a lover of a bold lip: red, pink, orange. lipstick however, does not scream “kiss me, you big lug.” so i’ve nixed the color on any first date, unless i already know it’s going to be a total crap-shoot and i’m just hungry.

more times than not, if he’s been thinking about it, he’s gonna do it. i’m not saying it’s going to be great, though. this brings me to the “trying to get out of a kiss you know that’s coming for you”. example: he’s locked his sights on your lips like a b57 ready to destroy the target. he’s not paying attention to your rambling on about how awesome dinner was, and how you should do it again…later…much later (like, after i throw my phone in the pool kind of later because you’re creepy and a stage 5 clinger and i’m scared now that you have my phone number and can contact me but thank god for caller id so i don’t have to ruin my phone later). he’s laser focused…i have to abort his mission asap. i lean in for the quick hug, throwing the idea of any kind of smooch out the window.

this is all ridiculous. where is the rule book?

game. set. match.