one of my guilty pleasures has been the MTV show “catfish”. regardless of it typically having the same ending, you know the kinda geeky guy just looking for love gets messaged by some blonde bombshell who ends up being a large white guy who created “Amanda’s” profile because he was just having fun, or he had been bullied so he wanted to get back at people.
not too long ago i myself was victim of the catfish.
ill preface this by saying, online dating is not for everyone.
seeing as i was on the hunt for.. no wait, that sounds awful, let me start again. seeing as i was just a hopeless romantic looking for her prince i kept my options wide open and gave just about everyone a chance. im not recommending that to anyone. i have a bad habit of seeing the good or the potential for good in people.
after chatting with a young man for a few days we agreed to grab sushi. apparently thats my go-to food for a first date. looking back here are just a few red flags:
1) his profile picture was of 3 guys 2) it looked like an older picture 3) he only had one picture.
im an idiot i know.
regardless, i met up at a local sushi joint with high hopes. after meeting up with a rather large, (i dont mean just fat, he could turn me into a pancake if i said the wrong thing) guy who looked nothing like anyone in the pictures, we sat down for food. ill withhold all the awful details of how he droned on and on about golf. after telling me was a professional, and got paid from teaching private lessons on the course because he was “soooo goood”, i lost interest quickly.
talking to the “me-monster” for 26 minutes had turned me into a zoned out not nice person. i could see right through all the bs that he was trying to play off as game. my answers began to get shorter and my eye might have wandered to a cute bartender…with those tattoos…and that jawline..wait what? anyways. i scarfed down my rolls and begged for the date to end. the waiter came by and asked if we were ready for the check. “me-monster” responded with “we are actually going to go dutch, but because i am a gentleman, ill pay for the more expensive one.” he was joking right? nope.
way to go smartie, the sushi was buy one get one free. im no math wizard, but the checks came out to be pretty much the same. i gave my card to the waiter and sweetly smiled, tho i hoped he could pick up on my “can-you-believe-what-this-jerk-just-did” look.
i quickly got up and bolted for the door. just in time for the biggest rain storm i had seen in a long time. my sweet, sweet date for the night, offered to walk me to my car. when the rain had lightened just a bit i responded with a “sure”, stuck my hands in my pockets, put my head down and began my best attempt at walking fast but not fast enough that it looked like i was running from a psycho.
he went on and on about how i, yes i had such a great time with him and he knew i was dying to see him again. blah blah blah. i turned rude got to my car and quickly responded with, “yeah i dont think so. um have fun driving back home and be safe.”
a text message 2 days later asking for another sushi dinner warranted a response from me saying “its not going to work. sorry”. i know i like to let them down gently. thankfully he got the point and left me alone.
next time i hope to get the spicy tuna, and not a bottom feeder.