busy…but not really

ive been pretty busy lately, going on dates? no but reading and dodging complete toolbags. talk about weeding out the bad ones.

i think ive gotten the hang of this online dating thing. just kidding ive only found out that 95% of the douches out there cant read or understand the word no. take for instance one of my fewest suitors, jabba the hut. red flags all over this mug not to mention the fact he openly is “Mainly looking for a BDSM relationship. If you would like to be treated like the Goddess you are would love to chat.” REALLY?! so i guess the part of my profile where i specifically say “dont message me if youre just trying to get some” doesnt apply to him? gross. lay off the creampuffs and stop watching 50 shades.

then there was this guy. when you look like a mix between the main character of renegade (only lacking the delicious six pack and chest) and a washed up wrestler from the 80’s, there is a very specific lady looking for you. i however am not her. also dont just send me a message of a winky face.

should we talk about stretch? yeah this guy…6foot 12foot 9. i can dig it. ive never been out with anyone who i could completely see up there nose. and maybe there is a reason why…

look. im not against giving my number out to anyone who asks for it. maybe thats not a good thing? but it really does get annoying having to keep opening up this stupid website. stretch seemed harmless enough. until the conversation went from “we should meet up” to “you need to come over”. again…excuse me? look here punk, i dont know you from adam, and seeing as im not 100% caught up on my Ninjutsu (yeah its a real thing…wikki it) im not an idiot and going to go to your house. just stop. be smart.

then “mike” started blowing up my phone. and by blowing up i mean it goes a little something like this…

“hey” 1:16am

“hey!!!” next day 12:32am

shirtless picture

“come over” 11:38pm

another shirtless picture

my response – “do you even own a shirt?”

sometimes my emasculating does the trick. im an ass i know.  hopefully it will work on these winners.

time to get my hair done.


one two three…reset.

“never love anybody who treats you like youre ordinary.” oh oscar wilde was a smart man, if only i would have listened. the past 9 months ive been in a roller coaster relationshit, i mean relationshit. im sorry…relationship. not the fun kind where you get the butterflies and a rush to the head and a stupid smile across your face. dont get me wrong, it started out like that. kinda.

having been friends for years, the natural progression was to “do the damn thing”, or so i thought. putting a title on it and always being eachothers plus one. ill start off by saying i pushed someone into something they didnt really want and i realize that now. there were highs and lows. of course a high was when he told me he loved me and of course a low getting yelled at for not getting him a valentines day present. (really? oh yeah that happened)

after the weirdest break up ive ever experienced, i got back on my favorite dating website and decided to make my next mistake. i saw the breakup coming, i was so mad he beat me to the punch. it was over the phone (lame i know, at least it wasnt a sticky note, tho at this point that coulda been better) and all i really remember hearing was “i dont f*cking care anymore. why save something thats not worth it. i dont care”. that right there makes a girl feel great. so that night i logged on and began the awkward online thing again.

i snagged one and even went out on a date. thankfully hes cuter in person and has a deep voice. our schedules are really outta whack so i dont know how potential this one is.

side note my first ever boyfriend from when i was 16 texted me today. he turned me to a good website with mixtapes. i give it a thumbs up. http://fridaymixtape.com/

i wish i was dedicated enough to write every week. hopefully my dating life will get more interesting. in the mean time im gonna go do some yoga before the walking dead comes on.

happy sunday to me.