My roommate from hell…

this past summer was my first experience living with a boyfriend. to be honest, it was awful. i was expecting cooking dinner together, snuggles and maybe even Starbucks in bed on a Saturday morning. holy crap was i wrong.

it all started with a cute bartender that applied at my job. i was helping out with HR and he came into my office for some paperwork. one thing lead to another and we got drinks after work at a local bar.

we hit it off right away and he was really easy to talk to. he had an interesting story and well looking back, i guess i was lonely.

my lease was ending in a month so he offered for me to just move in with him. i figured that couldnt be bad because id be saving money, my name wouldnt be on a lease and well frankly, why the hell not?

so i did. packed up all my stuff from my 1 bedroom and moved it into his 1 bedroom. thankfully, he was a typical bachelor and didnt have much of anything in his place, with the exception of a damn cat. (red flag…the first of many) we worked opposite schedules for a while and it wasnt awful, i usually woke up when he came home and we talked about his day and all the drunks he had to deal with.

things started to crash pretty quickly after i moved in. there was nothing physical…as in, not even a hug when i came home from a 4 day weekend helping my best friend plan her wedding. no hug, handhold or even a damn fist bump. kissing? ppsshh that stopped almost immediately.

well, just like any other normal person, i took that as something was wrong with me. the feeling of not being good enough kept flooding my head. i was also feeling like a roommate as opposed to a girlfriend. i was doing all the cleaning and laundry. the cleaning, oh dear lord the status of the apartment was that of a 21 year old single guy who is probably flunking out of college. so. many. solo. cups. why? all over the place. some empty and some with who knows what that liquid is with something fuzzy growing on it. it grossed me out i had to deep clean the apartment almost weekly.

i was beyond unhappy and feeling totally used. this kid just wanted someone to take care of him and clean up after him. uh, im not a caretaker, and if i were, id be getting paid.

i finally grew a pair and had a conversation with him about everything i was feeling. surprised, the conversation went well. as in, no yelling or screaming. very adult like. we ended things on the relationship side and agreed to be roommates until i got enough money to move out.

bonus fact. we shared a bed. talk about awkward. we slept back to back…like 2 brothers being forced to share a queen bed during the holidays. weird.

i stopped cleaning. it hurt my insides so bad to sit in filth. but i refused. he was a grown damn man in his mid 30’s and should know how to throw a stupid cup away THAT WAS PUT ON THE COUNTER 2 FEET FROM THE GARBAGE BIN! i mean seriously.

i had made a plan to move out and gave him a 2 weeks notice. i had been paying rent plus a little more for utilities but had never signed anything thank god. i thought that was fair enough and he seemed fine with it.

2 days before my Uhaul Pod arrived, he tells me “so if you want to go ahead and write me a check, thatd be fine.” um excuse me for what? so this kid tries to tell me “oh yeah, ive been billing you at the end of the month for rent.”

in what world is that ever a thing? let alone youre not going to tell your roommate that plan? oh so youre leaving in 2 days and im short on cash, you can go ahead and write me a check? yeah buddy, i’ll write you something.

i told him he had lost his marbles and that i had paid my october rent…at the beginning of the month and thought nothing more of it.

monday comes and a friend and i pack the pod and get the hell out. i sent him a text telling him his key was under the mat and that Uhaul would pick the giant pod up the next day.

he sends me a text saying “ummm so you arnt coming back? did you leave the check?”

i laugh out loud and immediately get on the phone with the friend who had helped me pack and knew all about the strange situation i had been in for a few months. i did not want to leave on a bad note with the kid, i really didnt. but i have yet to respond. he texted me again on sunday asking for the check. im so tempted to just tell him “its in the pile of trash that is your apartment, happy hunting”.

idiot.

-pineapple

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