ive been pretty busy lately, going on dates? no but reading and dodging complete toolbags. talk about weeding out the bad ones.
i think ive gotten the hang of this online dating thing. just kidding ive only found out that 95% of the douches out there cant read or understand the word no. take for instance one of my fewest suitors, jabba the hut. red flags all over this mug not to mention the fact he openly is “Mainly looking for a BDSM relationship. If you would like to be treated like the Goddess you are would love to chat.” REALLY?! so i guess the part of my profile where i specifically say “dont message me if youre just trying to get some” doesnt apply to him? gross. lay off the creampuffs and stop watching 50 shades.
then there was this guy. when you look like a mix between the main character of renegade (only lacking the delicious six pack and chest) and a washed up wrestler from the 80’s, there is a very specific lady looking for you. i however am not her. also dont just send me a message of a winky face.
should we talk about stretch? yeah this guy…6foot 12foot 9. i can dig it. ive never been out with anyone who i could completely see up there nose. and maybe there is a reason why…
look. im not against giving my number out to anyone who asks for it. maybe thats not a good thing? but it really does get annoying having to keep opening up this stupid website. stretch seemed harmless enough. until the conversation went from “we should meet up” to “you need to come over”. again…excuse me? look here punk, i dont know you from adam, and seeing as im not 100% caught up on my Ninjutsu (yeah its a real thing…wikki it) im not an idiot and going to go to your house. just stop. be smart.
then “mike” started blowing up my phone. and by blowing up i mean it goes a little something like this…
“hey!!!” next day 12:32am
“come over” 11:38pm
another shirtless picture
my response – “do you even own a shirt?”
sometimes my emasculating does the trick. im an ass i know. hopefully it will work on these winners.
time to get my hair done.