when a bad date…gets badder

still fresh returning to the dating scene, i try my best to keep an open mind and expand my horizons. i have recently learned that is not always the best way to go about it.

i also lived out why one should never dip their pen into the company ink. ever.

i thought maybe because this guy was in a completely different department and i never even saw him at work, it wouldn’t really matter. boy, was i wrong. guys are bigger gossip queens than girls. having already accepted the facebook friend request and chatted for the day, i had accepted the date. and my date went a little something like this…

after a knock on my door and a quick, awkward handshake (what?) standing in my breezeway and famished, we decide on sushi. sounds great! he then asks if we can take my car because his is dirty (what?). i thought he was joking. apparently not. what kind of guy knowing hes going out with a girl wouldn’t clean his chariot? it didn’t look dirty, and i’m never afraid to get a little dirt on me. whatever. so i drive to get sushi. i’ve already deducted points in my mind for the handshake and the “dirty” vehicle (i call bs). i pull up for sushi and the place is closed. why? cuz its 10pm. you know, a good decent time to go on a date. we opt for a local burger place instead. (minus a few more points regardless on how yummy the burger was).

while chatting and combing through the bs (inflated male lies and stories and braggings) of getting to know each other, i begin to realize just how strange he was…i wasn’t interested in his sudden weight loss of 35 lbs in 2 months (lucky bitch). regardless, we got on the topic of video games and my nerd side came out, which it had before and he had just so happened to bring super smash brothers. this is the only the game i had been wanting for forever. he challenged me to a game and i accepted. i didn’t realize inviting a guy (calm down, i knew him. kinda) into my apartment was a summons for him to try to put the moves on me (stupid rookie move). don’t worry i’ve learned my lesson. listen, guys, when attempting to woo a girl, i believe one should never pull the “guppy sucker fish maneuver”. that’s right, cornering a lady in her couch and going full guppy will never get you a second date.

although the cold hand of rejection ended that attempt, my facebook has now been blown up with messages declaring how he wants more and wants to take me out again. i didn’t respond for a while, then apologized for leading him on and he should probably move on. i’ve still gotten messages wanting to hang out…and more declarations about how he wants to see me again and be with me. heaven help me why do i attract all the crazies?

next.

-pineapple

i like to play nintendo…but i’m bad at games

i’ve never understood the “games” we play with one another and the apparent rules that go along with them?! there are many, but i only have time for a few…

the “contacting each other” game:

do you or don’t you? do you text? do you wait for him to text? how long do you wait?

what is all this crap?! i really don’t think it should be this difficult in 2013 for a guy or a girl to let the other person know they had a good time and want to hang out again.

for example: you go out on a date and have a wonderful time. he’s giving you all the right signals: you touched his arm…he made you laugh…blah blah blah. maybe the night even ended with a kiss. good for you. now what?

as the female..we’ve been told wait for the male to pursue you. but we all know *most* guys are awful at communication. you don’t want to seem clingy and needy and text right away…hell no, do not call…and do people really email each other or does that happen only in the movies? so you wait for him to contact you.

3 nail-biting and otherwise stressful days later, a text from mr. wonderful arrives. great. now you have to keep your cool and play along in this cat and mouse game. you want to show interest but can’t be too available. *you don’t want to seem like you don’t have a life* hopefully, one or the other wins at the game and a second date is to be had. congratulations. if no second date, you begin again.

the kissing game:

how do you know if you’re going to get one? do you really want one? how do you avoid one if you don’t?

sure you can do what all the magazines say…draw attention to your lips…lean in and all that stuff ,but does it really work? i’m going based on my personal experience and say, “nope”. i’m a lover of a bold lip: red, pink, orange. lipstick however, does not scream “kiss me, you big lug.” so i’ve nixed the color on any first date, unless i already know it’s going to be a total crap-shoot and i’m just hungry.

more times than not, if he’s been thinking about it, he’s gonna do it. i’m not saying it’s going to be great, though. this brings me to the “trying to get out of a kiss you know that’s coming for you”. example: he’s locked his sights on your lips like a b57 ready to destroy the target. he’s not paying attention to your rambling on about how awesome dinner was, and how you should do it again…later…much later (like, after i throw my phone in the pool kind of later because you’re creepy and a stage 5 clinger and i’m scared now that you have my phone number and can contact me but thank god for caller id so i don’t have to ruin my phone later). he’s laser focused…i have to abort his mission asap. i lean in for the quick hug, throwing the idea of any kind of smooch out the window.

this is all ridiculous. where is the rule book?

game. set. match.

next.

-p

Confidence is attractive…being an ass is not

i would say it’s just another boring sunday with nothing to blog about but i’d be lying.

let’s start with thursday…

i’ve always wondered if it’s better to go out on a date with a friend of a friend, or some random stranger. well, i’ve now done both. a good friend of mine gave me a name of a fella who needs to be put in his place. my mean girl came out and instantly jumped on the chance.

taking it back to 12th grade, i requested to be his friend on facebook. i “creeped” after he immediately accepted my request. my first impression was not a good one with mr. a. his “tryin to hard to be buff” pics with young ladies commenting on how “hot” he is made me almost lose my lunch…and i felt the uprising urge put him in his place.

now don’t judge me here, but i did something terrible. i hooked him. it was easier than i had expected which made it almost no fun. within less than 2 hours of not knowing this guy from adam, he wanted to take me out the following monday.

*press easy button here*

i thought to myself “piece of cake. i’ll go out with this kid, (who is younger and shorter than me. they all are.) and put him in his place.” this was ultimately for his own good. i believe people like that need to get knocked down a peg or two every once in a while.

saturday rolls around and i get another facebook message from mr.a asking where i live so he can figure out where we can go monday. without giving any exact locations, he lives in the country, and me…i’m in the city. my mother always told me i’m worth a guy driving to get me. i take that into account most of the time, unless i might need a quick get away and can sneek out without an awkward car ride back to my place. anyway, mr. a has the audacity to tell me, “that’s too far can we meet somewhere in the middle?” now even if i was interested…that just made you loose mega points. sheesh.

was it creepy and un-lady like, or just 2013ish that i facebooked this kid regardless of my intentions? i still have no clue where we are going to go…if anywhere at this point. i don’t know if i can call this a success yet or not?…can i call, next?

-pineapple

sometimes i dip my foot in the fashion pool

i’ve been known to color outside of the lines.

my mom always told me that i dance to my own beat and i’ve learned to embrace those sayings and make them fact. this was going to just be a blog about my single life with potential horror stories of dates gone terribly wrong with all types of men. seeing as my calendar is pretty open as of right now, i’m taking a side note to fashion.

a good pencil can always make me feel like lady or just terribly uncomfortable if worn on the day my brain told me to put sweats on. when i paired a simple gray pencil with my favorite barbie style pumps and a cardi what can go wrong? yes, i did match the bag to the belt on purpose…something i never do.

is wearing your ex-boyfriend’s button down an unconscious, sappy, sentimental thing?

or a wardrobe expanded and a good twist on work apparel?

4/23

i’m going to take these headless horsemen bathroom shots to document my sometimes brilliant wardrobe creations. shoulda started a long time ago.

-pineapple

so it begins

after recently ending a year long relationship, i find myself starting this blog to express my thoughts on my new dating ventures and life as a single young woman.

my first weekend single wasn’t as exciting as i had hoped it would be. i found myself in bed at 9pm on a friday night…not suffering from any exotic or exciting sickness…just boredom.

saturday morning i woke up, turned the tv on and indulged myself in some sappy girl time with back to back jlo romantic flicks (haven’t had any of that in a while). the only thing missing was a pint of ben and jerry’s and a half eaten bag of wal-mart peanut butter cups (have you tried those? amazing.).  after watching “the wedding planner” and “monster in law”, i took my sister’s dog for a walk (little mutt was staying with me for the weekend). much to my surprise, i didn’t run into a good looking doctor. weird…jenny from the block did multiple times wearing a dress over jeans in her stupid movie. i figured that’s gotta be how to do it.  i also went to my favorite overpriced coffee spot in hopes to catch some lucky, handsome dr’s eye…no, not you, creepy guy sitting in the corner.

what a bust.

thanks, jlo. you gave me unrealistic expectations that i, just a simple girl (much like yourself) can find love just around the corner.

liar.

saturday eventing i found myself at a hockey game. i was really pumped about it. a “friend” from a while ago invited me and seeing as i had not been to game, i was all in. this guy (we’ll call him mr. x from here on out just for his protection and privacy…actually any guy i go on a date will be referred to as mr. x just to keep it anonymous. lets hope that doesn’t get confusing).

anyway, back to this guy. he’s sweet. i had not seen him due to my being in a relationship and he was, too, for a long time.

so, we’re on our way to the game and i’m thinking to myself “you never know…he’s nice…something could happen.” yadda yadda yadda. now before i go on, i’ve been told that i’m high maintenance. i really don’t believe that. however, i do like nicer things and i like things to be kept nice. having said this, i get into mr. x’s car and i’m smacked in the face with the stench of wet dog and muddy paws. now don’t get me wrong…i’m a huge dog lover, but i also like a clean car. i felt a little uncomfortable trying to avoid the ash from the black and mild he was smoking and the dog hair. i tried to make the best of it and breathe out the window without being obvious. we made small talk and went into the game.

three large beers into the first period and i knew i was back to my old ways…drinking my relationships away. the game was fun, although the home team lost. maybe i’ll become a hockey players wife. i don’t mind the cold and i’m ok if they have a fake tooth or broken nose. sadly, i looked up the roster and realize a lot of the guys are younger than me. eh, maybe some other sport?

i came home and mr. x walked me to my door. enter that awkward “i think he’s gonna try to make a move” thing going on, so i shut that down pretty quick, gave him a quick hug, and said goodnight.

i guess my first go round and weekend back in the single lifestyle was a bust. oh well…next?

-pineapple